Connections

Courtney Coloring

Butterflies connect successfully, much like humans fail… proficiently.

Butterflies naturally connect to their food sources with keen eyesight, smell, and taste. They find their mates through the pheromones in their wings, with visual cues, and with specific courtship behavior.

Humans, on the other hand, are much more complicated.

As human beings, we don’t just enjoy connection, we need it. We need it to feel safe, seen, supported, and bonded. It’s part of our evolutionary means of survival.

However, humans are emotional creatures. We are complicated. We have fears, anxieties, traumas, etc. That said, our connections can become strained or we can’t figure out how to connect.

This becomes an issue in particular with women as we age regarding our romantic connections.

Intimacy transforms in menopausal women. Period.

We aren’t in the mood, we feel too much pressure, it’s too much effort. Why bother? But then our relationships can suffer. So what can we do?And it’s easy to start wondering: What’s wrong with me? Why does this feel so hard now?

HRT! (I see you raising your hand!)

But it doesn’t work for everyone in the same way, or completely reboot intimacy issues. Believe me, I know!

Because what’s often really in the way isn’t just hormones. It’s the quiet myths we’ve absorbed about sex, desire, and what intimacy is supposed to look like.

That’s why on Friday, February 20th, I’m hosting a free webinar called: What’s Stopping Sexy Time? 3 Myths about Intimacy With Your Partner

This is a gentle, pressure-free conversation for women over 40 who want intimacy and pleasure, but feel disconnected, tired, or unsure how to get back there.

In this webinar, we’ll explore:

• Why intimacy feels harder now without blaming your body

• The myths that quietly create pressure around sex and orgasm

• How pleasure becomes accessible again through presence, breath, and the senses

Nothing is wrong with you. “That ship has not sailed!” Intimacy is still possible, often in deeper and more satisfying ways.

If this resonates, I’d love for you to join me next week! Click here to Sign up!

Making Your Peace Louder Than the Noise

Illustrator: Courtney Collins

I’m honestly relieved to be done with 2025. Last year felt like wave after wave of upheaval, personally and collectively.

My parents’ health declined in ways that required most of my attention, pulling me away from my business and my own rhythm. And beyond my own life, the world itself has felt like a constant storm.

This wasn’t “life be lifin.” This was life trying to take me out.

At some point, the noise became louder than my peace.

And while I’m a Reiki Master Teacher and coach, and I have tools, I still had to consciously choose to use them. I leaned into Reiki, therapy, and real mental health care so I could show up for myself, my relationships, and the world around me.

That wasn’t automatic. Because the unspoken rule is often: keep going, stay calm, push through.

But the truth is, when life gets loud, our connection to pleasure, peace, and self-love is usually the first thing to go.

We tell ourselves:

• I’ll spend more time with my partner later

• I’ll start meditating when things slow down

• I’ll have more fun when I catch my breath

Yet the noise keeps coming. The list keeps growing. And we move through our days on autopilot, carrying on while quietly depleted.

What if we treated our need for pleasure and peace as essential, instead of optional?

The research is clear:

• Happier employees are 13% more productive than those who aren’t experiencing joy.

• Couples with better mental health report greater relationship satisfaction.

• Chronic stress affects memory, alters brain function over time, and even dulls our senses.

• Strong social and emotional connections consistently lead to longer, healthier lives.

And for women especially, this matters deeply.

"Women appear to function as the 'barometers' of distressed marriages and are in part more sensitive to negative marital interactions than men… the women whose cortisol increased as they recounted their marital history earlier on were more than twice as likely to be divorced a decade later.” - Dr. Kiecott-Glaser, psychologist (2000)

Our bodies are paying attention, even when we try to push through.

Taking care of our needs at a fundamental level isn’t indulgent. It’s necessary.

So knowing all of this, I’ll ask you gently: Why wouldn’t you want more pleasure, more peace, and more presence in your life?

Check out our services ⬆️ for more of what you need.

Sensual vs. Sexual

Illustrator: Courtney Collins

I had a strange conversation with a longtime friend, which I found curious based on how it ended. Not well. (It’s of note that we’re both in our mid-50s, clearly in menopause.) She was waxing on about how she is "tired of being a sexual object” and that “hormones have made her less of a sexual object” and maybe “that’s a good thing”.

I’m all for not being only a sexual object, of course. However, I wanted to introduce the topic of sensuality over sexuality for women, as a concept, and its value as we age. There is a major difference between the two. Being more sensual is where it’s at!

She was not hearing it.

According to Merriam-Webster, sensuality means relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite, devoted to or preoccupied with the senses or appetites.

Sensuality is like eating that delicious piece of fruit that awakens each taste bud, or hearing that certain song that makes your hips sway in that way, you know what I mean! When you’re touching that rose petal or your own skin, so velvety soft, or that smell when you pop open that fresh vanilla bean. Mmm… being sensual, does not have to mean sex, at all. And yes, it can turn you on.

If you’re doing it right, sex can be sensual. It can enliven the senses and increase pleasure. But sensuality… that does not have to mean sex.

And furthermore, what aroused you during sex at 25, will not be the same at 55.

First of all, as women age, hormones change, meaning we lose estrogen and testosterone, among other things. Losing estrogen means losing arousal from simple penetration with sex, and having potentially more pain during sex. Add to this, less testosterone, which means we have less of an urge for sex. Good times. But, sensuality is a game changer.

Also, sensuality is a spiritual tool.

Yes, boo.

Let’s begin with that last one. When we enjoy a guided meditation, we often hear the phrase: follow the breath. The idea is not only to “follow” the breath and give awareness to it, but also to “feel” the breath. If we really pay attention we can indeed feel this sensation inside. This is interoception. Not one of the 5 senses, but it’s one of the subtle senses.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, interoception is awareness of your body's internal senses or signals. It identifies how you feel.

Once we are feeling our breath on the inside we are well on our way to a spiritual experience. This is because if we begin to slow the breath down we trigger the parasympathetic nervous system which relaxes us. Now, give attention to this through interoception and now, we are grounded, heading towards meditation.

Furthermore, if we use this very same tool we can access self-pleasure holistically, using the tools of sensuality. I illustrate this in an article here and give full guidance in this detailed online program.

Regardless of what religion has told you or what menopause has done to you, as a woman, you are meant to have pleasure. It is our birthright. There is a reason that the clitoris is the only organ in the female body whose purpose is solely for pleasure. Nothing else. Never was and never will be.

We deserve to enjoy our bodies. I hope one day my friend will understand.

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