Community: a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common. This is the definition according to the Oxford dictionary. Human beings need community in order to have a sense of belonging. This usually means that there is energy, time or attention spent for other people. Of course, we do things for ourselves as well. But sometimes, the scale gets tipped towards caring for others more than ourselves. When this happens, it is possible to be left feeling depleted. We forget our own needs, which at its worst, can lead to sickness, or even depression.
How do we fill our cup when we’re busy filling the cup for others?
I have a client who is caring for a parent with dementia and going to work at the same time. She has a sister who could assist with responsibilities for their parent, but the sister refuses because she is emotionally incapable of helping in this way. Caregiving is not for everyone. While this is frustrating for my client, she cannot spend her time with resentment towards her sister. She must take better care of herself, but feels she has nothing left in order to do so. Where is the time or energy? You might say, take a spa, go on vacation, just take a break, right?
Easier said than done.
Like most people, my client is interested in maintaining community, which in this case is her family. But what is more valuable to understand is when we don’t give ourselves the proper care, we aren’t giving our best to the community. In that sense, we fail twice. But, this doesn’t have to be your outcome. Make yourself the priority whether you have children, a parent with dementia, or a demanding occupation. There is a way to come back to yourself. Make it your business and you’ll have a stronger community.
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