The Secret Sauce

Passion: (noun) strong and barely controllable emotion, according to Oxford Languages.

We’re often told to follow our passion. Passion is that burning desire which fuels us to attain our dreams and goals. It is often looked at as a positive motivator.

However, sometimes that fuel of passion can cause a raging fire in our relationships when we feel we’re in the right concerning a certain topic.

I’ve experienced this before.

Years ago, I shared a story of alleged child sexual abuse committed by a celebrity with my friend at her home. My friend did not agree with my assessment. She, too, was passionate. That fire of passion which burned between us caused us to lose track of the fact that neither one of us actually knew the real story. Our passion could have burned down the house.

Passion can make a person say and do things that are beyond their peaceful nature. Usually this occurs when we’re outraged by a particular topic.

But let’s look at this more closely. The only reason we’re ever really outraged or offended by something that creates a burning passion within us is because of love.

Passionate about food? It’s because you love it.

Passionate about those that are disenfranchised? It’s because you have love for those that are disenfranchised.

Passionate about children that have suffered? It’s because you love and have compassion for innocent ones that have been hurt.

Love is what unites us.

Right now, many people are passionate about who is more right in a particular war. Who has suffered more in this war?

Everyone suffers in war. Period.

So this is my hero move around the dinner table this holiday and beyond. When the prickly conversation begins and you know which conversation it will be… use the secret sauce.

The Secret Sauce

Ingredients:

1. love

2. a bridge for connection

3. salt and pepper to taste

The foodie in me had to add that last one.

We can all acknowledge that there is suffering on both sides of war. That is the bridge for connection. We don’t need to compare struggles. What is the point of the passionate goings on that “my suffering is worse than your suffering”? Share your love for all concerned. And if anything, share how we can reduce suffering for all. This is the secret sauce.

Love is our first learning and everything stems from it, including pain. We can only feel pain because we have loved. If you can unite from this baseline concept that love is what unites us, you can actually get somewhere during that dinner table conversation. Otherwise, you’re simply adding fuel to an already raging fire of war.

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Soul Self-Care

How are you feeling? Right now that’s a very important question. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the emotions of the current tragedies around the world, especially if you’re tied to the events culturally. It can be overwhelming, I understand. We can’t eliminate the bad news, sadness and worry, but we must learn how to navigate through these feelings as they relate to the current events.

War and discord tend to stir us up inside and consume our thoughts. Some of us experience this with intensity, so we talk about it as much as we can to make sense of the situation. For others it’s more like a low level fever - a tension that hangs out below in our subconscious, creating arguments, lack of sleep or low work productivity.

You may experience some or all of this. But, instead of allowing these feelings to interrupt your life by consuming you and manifesting fear and sadness, you can work with them. Life goes on and you need to thrive individually, in work and in your relationships, while being mindful to the world’s events. That said, here are 5 tips to help you counterbalance these times which attempt to disconnect you from feeling safe and grounded in who you really are at your core.

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Elevating Relationships

It was Sept 12th and the house already sold to a lovely family after only six days. It’s a seller’s market apparently, and everyone was happy with the transaction. My friend’s family home was sold to a couple in their late 30s. The couple shared that they were happy to purchase the house because it reminded them of “simpler times”. Interesting for such a young couple to make that comment. I guess we have been through quite a bit during the last few years.

2020 brought a huge energetic hit with it. Meeting new people slowed. Jobs were lost. Marriages were challenged. And, we’re still bouncing back from it all.

“Simpler times” isn’t just an old-fashioned phrase that refers to the days when we could leave our front door wide open or feel safe walking late at night. These 30-somethings were talking about a feeling which we all crave - less chaos and more connection.

Before everything changed, there was a time where singles would meet at a bar and with little to no effort, they’d have a few phone numbers at the end of the evening. Smiles came easy and conversations were a breeze. And, couples weren’t stuck at home and wondering how to navigate “me time”.

As a result of these changing times, isolation, stress and triggers have become common topics of conversation. While being alone sometimes does have its benefits - recharging with self-care and engaging in quiet, introspective time. Human beings are not meant to be alone constantly. The fact of the matter is when we’re alone on a regular basis the inside critical voices get louder. We can become more judgmental of ourselves and others. Also, isolation has the potential to raise stress hormones, which can affect sleep and raise blood pressure.

There is more fear and separation because many still have not adjusted to properly connecting with one another. Consequently, romantic and platonic relationships are occasionally still strained. Instead of having stimulating conversation, some would rather scroll through their social during a date because it feels easier. Couples don’t have as much patience to have real discussions when an issue arises because they’re so tense. This affects intimacy. One client even told me that he’d rather not date at all to avoid the whole thing.

Avoidance is not a good life hack.

But you can change this! You can elevate your relationships because they matter. And frankly, you matter.

Today is a full moon. It’s customary to release what no longer serves you on a full moon. So let’s do it! We may not have “simpler times” anymore, but we can release the old behaviors that are holding us back so we can have more of what we really need as human beings - healthier connections for a life filled with more wholeness.

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