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It is said that an action done at least 3 times begins a pattern. This concept can hold true for dating, as well. Once we start a pattern of behavior within a relationship or attracting a certain type of individual that’s not really good for us, it may be challenging to know that we’re doing it and how to move forward towards a healthier option. Since relationship goals are about having more relationship wellness, let’s explore some road blocks that we may experience on the journey to attracting the good love. When we bring awareness to our patterns that don’t serve us in relationship, we can flip them, and become healthy love magnets.

4 Unhealthy Relationship Patterns


Assuming their behavior will change. Sometimes traits like unfaithfulness, unhealthy anger, lack of respect, and the like can repeatedly harm a relationship. Yes, some people do transform and change their old habits. But true change comes when the individual wants it and initiates the transformation. As the partner, you should then witness viable, sustainable adjustments that shift your perception of the entire relationship for the good.

Getting stuck on a type. Somehow you’ve told yourself that a particular type of partner, is the only one for you. The musician, the gym type, the funny girl, the bad boy. Ask yourself: Is this type of individual healthy for you ultimately or are you simply charmed by the packaging? For years, before I became married, I had a certain type that I dated. I told myself that this was “my type”. My friends even started saying that this was my type. But guess what? I was lost in the idea of what I told myself I wanted, instead of exploring what qualities in men truly matched with mine in a healthy way.


You don’t want to change. You wonder why your relationships keep failing. You’ve been in several relationships that don’t seem to go anywhere and you find yourself in a similar predicament each time one ends. This is the classic scenario of not personally changing our habits in relationship but expecting others to change around us. If you find yourself vocalizing to your friends that the folks you’re dating all seem the same, chances are you’re not interested in your own personal transformation. When we’re in the healthiest place that we need to be in emotionally, mentally and physically, then we attract the most successful relationship to us. It’s a mirror game. Something to contemplate.


You’re tied to them financially. In my experience as a coach I’ve had clients who experience notable issues of anger and disrespect with their spouse. However, they feel stuck in the relationship because they are financially bound to the person since their home and car are owned by the individual. Furthermore, if there are children involved this feels like more of a trap. The most important thing at all times is to be safe and seek help if needed. Also, begin your move towards financial independence.


Awareness is the key to breaking detrimental relationship patterns. The best methods that I’ve found to create more awareness within are meditation and reiki. When properly utilized, meditation and reiki allow the subconscious to be more accessible to inner transformation. These methods actually create space in the subconscious so that we can start to imagine new thought as opposed to recycling the same old ones which may not be helping us.


Take care of yourselves and each other.


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Daydree Horner

Recently, I celebrated a milestone birthday. Ya know, one of those numbers that makes you wonder: Who, me? Regardless, any birthday is a great time for reflection. How did it start vs. How it’s going. While this is a popular meme, like all good memes there’s value to it. When we mark our miles in any aspect of our lives, we have more awareness as to how we can move forward more effectively. Today I’d like to focus on the aspect of self-care and personal wellness. Because that is the spring from which everything else will flow.


In particular, let’s talk about anxiety. The topic seems to be coming up more these days so let’s bring some awareness to it.


6 signs You May Have Anxiety:


1) Talking faster than usual, running out of breath, short-temperedness or snapping. When we’re anxious our heart rate speeds up thereby causing us to do the same. This can lead to impatience and frustration with ourselves and others, resulting in lack of awareness of how we’re behaving.


2) Stressed face. Chronic anxiety often manifests with a physical component. This can be frowning, furrowing of the brow, clenching the jaw or simply an uneasy stomach. When we’re anxious our energy system is contracting and not relaxed, thereby causing our body to be in a “holding” position. I like to think of it as the body’s natural way of attempting to protect us while alerting us that we’re in a state of dis-ease.

3) Ignoring self-care. When we’re too busy to take a shower, brush our hair or teeth, you might have anxiety. Anxiety can stem from very positive things too, like getting married, having kids or a demanding job that you love. When I was getting married, I lost about 10 lbs. My doctor said, “You’re stressed.” I replied, “I’m happy though.” The doctor said, “You can actually be happy and stressed at the same time.”

4) Lack of focus, easily overwhelmed, paranoid. That state of feeling like we have “too many balls in the air” is extreme stress. Many folks can operate this way for periods of time, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for the mind-body temple. Also, it may give us a false sense that we’re successful, when we may actually need to be more efficient in our tasks.

5) Eating or drinking habits are imbalanced. Simply put, when we’re stressed we drink or eat in excess or don’t eat much at all. Neither scenario is beneficial for maintaining wellness.


6) Holding onto grudges. Let it go. It’s an oldie but a goodie, but… Don’t sweat the small stuff. It really does us no good. Life is much too valuable and definitely too short.


But, here’s the best news: We can reduce anxiety right now! Exercise. It helps to regulate our hormones. And our hormones are the whole enchilada. They play a huge role in our immune system health, appetite, mood and so much more. Practice good sleeping habits. Go to bed around the same time every night. This will lead to consistent, restful sleeps. Drink the bulk of your water earlier in the day so that late night drinking won’t keep you up running to the bathroom all night. Give yourself enough time to wind down for a restful sleep which means releasing the device at least one hour before bed, especially if its social media which might keep you up processing headlines. Eat calming foods like green leafy vegetables, salmon, pumpkin seeds, berries, dark chocolate, rooibos tea and turmeric ginger tea, just to name a few. Practice yoga, meditation or reiki therapy. These are all natural modalities that calm the body and mind so that you can maintain better equilibrium in these challenging times.


However, if you have a deeper issue with anxiety which requires more help, please seek the care of your local health professional.

When we create better coping skills for life’s circumstances, it’s easier to love ourselves more fully, have patience with ourselves and others, have a good time, and roll with life’s ups and downs with ninja-like adjustments.


Take care of yourselves and each other.

Daydree Horner

It was during our first conversation that I thought he might be the one. There was something inherently shared between us, as if we were two separate garments sewn with the same thread. However, it wasn’t because we both liked movies, travel and fast cars. We do. Many do. But there was another aspect more significant between us which made me want to know more. It was easy and I didn’t understand quite why. We spoke for 3 1/2 hours.


My intuition was confirmed with our first date which followed 2 days later. Since then we’ve been together for over 15 years.


We met online dating. Although, it doesn’t really matter how you meet your partner. What matters is the connection that follows once you’ve met. Does the connection work? And if so, why does it work… and how does it last?

Having activities in common is fine. But you don’t need many activities in common at all to manifest a happy, long-lasting relationship.

It really comes down to the shared core value systems of each individual. What are your beliefs? According to the Oxford definition:


Values (noun): a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.


That’s why my husband and I clicked.


Core values (or beliefs) are what shape and guide us through life, and ours matched. Core values create meaning for individuals. And, when things have personal meaning for us we’re more determined (and more likely) to be successful at them for the long run. This includes relationships, careers, and other passions.


Diversity. Self-respect. Tranquility. Speed. Decisiveness. These are random examples of core values. There are so many. Discover which ones exemplify you.


And, the next time you’re on a date, be more interested in whether your core values make sense together and less about whether or not they like vacationing in Cancún.

TRANSFORMATION

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