When the Bad is All Good

Before we even got started on our road trip things seemed to be going wrong. Walking around the car to put some things in the trunk, I stepped on some exposed tree roots and threw my hip out of alignment, instantaneously. My back went into a painful spasm. How am I supposed to sit in a car for 4 hours now?

My husband, David and I were embarking upon one of our epic summer road trips. Who loves a road trip? ✋

I took a moment, stretched, and the pain abated. It was a lovely ride. Good music, and even better conversation. When we arrived at our first destination for butterfly photography, we hiked for a few hours. The scent of pine, cedar and fir trees energized me like a healing tonic. My hip injury seemed to disappear. It was a beautiful day. Finally we arrived at the hotel. However, our room was double booked. (I guess this happens sometimes when folks book with Expedia? Be mindful.)

Anyhow, upon noticing the error, the friendly hotel staff upgraded our room. Hurray! But then we realized that the very clean upgrade had no toilet paper nor washcloths. (I understand some people don’t use washcloths but that’s a whole other blog.) Also, the deadbolt on the front door didn’t work and several blinds were missing from our front window in the living room. Yes, living room, we were upgraded to an entire apartment! We shared what was lacking with the staff and surprisingly, they had no washcloths and had to run to the store for toilet paper. No, the deadbolt would not be fixed during our stay. But gratefully, there was a chain on the door and an old skool lock in the doorknob. We were set for security.

That afternoon we received a call saying that the manager would “have to go home to get washcloths from his linen closet”. Needless to say, it was a small town with very nice people.

Later that night, the folks in the apartment next to us got into an argument that lasted most of the night. We decided not to go into a dark place about this particular moment, and instead raised the volume on our music to drown out the arguing. And frankly, we had our toilet paper and washcloths, so we were giving thanks for our blessings.

The next day we continued our hiking and butterfly photography adventures. Since these excursions often take place in meadows, I’m usually covered in mosquito repellent because I’m that person who always gets a bug bite if there’s a bug around. 🙄 But these were Kern River mosquitoes. Let me explain: These are OG mosquitoes, comparable to Caribbean mosquitoes. You better have the repellent that’s super toxic. But of course, I had the “wellness” mosquito repellent. The good for your skin type of repellent. That said, I was eaten alive.

But we ate well, took fabulous photos and videos, and loved each other up. So yeah, things went all kinds of "bad" on this trip, but we were all good.

Subscribe above ⬆️ for tips on how to keep that winning attitude when it feels like you’re potentially, losing ground.

Love, an Imperfect Journey

He swept me up into his arms and I knew right then that we were meant to be together. (gag)

Well, it really wasn’t like that at all.

I’d been online dating for 3 years on and off. Mostly off. I’d go through bouts of “I don’t need anyone,” to “I’m married to myself,” to “Where the heck is he already?!” Finally, I went on the first date with my now husband, David. I was 40 minutes late and he was 20 minutes early. He’s not usually early and I’m rarely late. I was a nervous wreck. We both were, actually. As a result, we had 2 shots of tequila to begin our meeting. We talked unceasingly. And, there was chemistry… for sure. It wasn’t just because of the tequila, it was us. Things were going well. But he was married previously. He filed for divorce, but she wouldn’t sign the papers. Unbelievable. Normally, as a relationship coach I’d say, “Run! Run very fast and very far away!” But, David did quickly handle this issue, and he was free.

I’ve heard clients talk about the variations of “perfect” that they need in a partner. And while it’s good to have a list of what you’d like to create for a viable relationship, it’s more important to be wise to the imperfections of life while you’re forming this vision.

“I’m looking for a man in finance, trust fund, 6’ 5”, blue eyes.” Good luck, girl. Let’s get real.

But, I get it. There are qualities that we want in another human being if we’re interested in living with someone for a lifetime. However, there’s more to it than a list.

I had ideals with dating. Most of us do. My intention was to play it cool and not let on that I was falling for this man, David. Needless to say that completely fell apart.

We still used answering machine’s back then when I decided to leave him a message confirming that he could come over later that day. When I left the message before hanging up I said, “Alright, so I’ll see you later. Love you!”

Cringe! Why did I just say that? I started fumbling with my words before the machine could cut me off. “Uh, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean ‘love’. I meant, ya know… well, alright. Never mind, bye!!” Dang, I just fell into a word hole. Anyway, we laughed about it that evening and still laugh about it today, 18 years later. We were in love.

In about a year, I was ready to move in together. Isn’t that the way things are supposed to go if you’re serious about someone? Well, he was serious and I was serious, but he was not ready to move in together.

(Remember he was married previously and it didn’t go well. Folks need time to rebalance after divorce.)

Regardless, I like to move with alacrity! (sigh) Okay, fine. I will wait.

We did move in together after 3 years. But, isn’t 3 years when a couple gets married if they’re serious? We were only moving in together. Ugh!

While we were moving at different speeds, we were on the same journey.

It is said, that if you don’t get married after 3 years dating, something is wrong, right? Not necessarily. We married after 7 years. Yup. And, we’ve been together this whole time maneuvering through life’s winding roads, pitfalls and blissful moments.

So here’s the thing, every couple creates their own reality of how their relationship will go. This is not based on anyone else but the folks in the relationship. That’s it. It’s your own private world and you are crafting it together. Be thoughtful on how you both would like to create it and you’ll have a solid partnership.

Subscribe above ⬆️ for tips on how you can position yourself in a good place to become a love magnet for the right person, regardless of so-called, imperfections.

You are a Flower

“You are a flower,” he said in a breathy voice. We were dating and this was part of his seduction. Um-hm, a flower? We didn’t last as a couple, but he did make a great point.

We are all flowers in a metaphorical sense. We are meant to bloom.

“When you stop growing you start dying,” stated William S. Burroughs.

I have never enjoyed this sentiment. It feels like an absolute… but is it true?

Life pushes us to grow. Every loss, every win, every death, every birth is a push. And it’s not only major life experiences. Day-to-day events like standing on a long line at the grocery store, dealing with a customer service representative on the phone after you’ve been holding for some time or simply planning a joyous vacation - all push us to grow and bloom into our best selves… or not. Challenges are peppered between all of the good and bad that life has to offer. We utilize our own qualities and core values to meet these moments. Discipline. Kindness. Hard work. Efficiency. Organization. These are just a few of the values that propel us forward on the path of life.

But what if we’re not exuding our core values because we’re distracted, we've had a hard day and not at our best? What do we do when our worst is shared with the world?

I don’t think we die, metaphorically, because we’re not growing in the moment. This is when we forgive ourselves, and accept that something needs to die off within us in order to transform and ultimately, keep growing.

Plants work this way. We prune the stems that seem to have no purpose and prevent the plant from flourishing. Once this is done, the plant can bloom again.

This can work for us, as well. For example, if we need to create more health and wellness, but insist on having Moons Over My Hammy every weekend, that must die off. If we’re searching for a relationship but don’t connect much to others with care and love, start reaching out, because what goes around comes around. And if we’re concerned about finances but insist on ordering food from a restaurant every week instead of cooking at home, let go of that habit too. These are simple examples, but the idea of releasing what no longer serves us can be applied in most areas where we’re not growing.

It’s springtime and I want you to bloom and have what you desire. I want you to have the very best that you can achieve. So what is it that can be released within you? It may very well be a quality or habit that you hold closest to you. Check in with yourself. And in the meantime, subscribe to our newsletter above ⬆️ for 3 tips on what's holding you back so you can start pruning in order to bloom. After all, you are a flower.