The Deep Talk

Let’s get right to it. Communication is a biggie in relationships, especially romantic ones. And, if there’s an issue in your relationship, typically talking about it becomes a must in order to solve the problem. So if you’re not good at communication, you might stumble through it or just skip having “the deep talk” altogether which potentially can lead you right back to repeating the same mistakes that brought you to the conflict in the first place.

Remember things come up to be healed, so let’s heal them!

#1 Be chill. Even when an issue is important, it’s best to be calm in your approach. In other words, you don’t want to feel anxious or intense when you need to solve a problem. I know it’s hard, but the more calm you are the easier it will be for your partner to hear your words and your heart. So, in order to get yourself in the right state of mind for open discussion, take some nice, slow, deep, calming breaths. Meditate or pray if you prefer. Do restorative yoga. Eat a burrito… whatever it takes! When emotions are calm, it makes communication easier.

#2 Timing. A planned moment for an important conversation is often best because all parties know when to expect the heart-to-heart. What I call “pop-up talks”, potentially, can be more challenging. For example, in the middle of dinner or when your partner has just come home from work can create real resistance and derail the peace you’re trying to achieve.

#3 Love. Add love to the calm and centered space that you’ve created for yourself. Let’s assume that this is a relationship that you’d like to maintain, heal and grow. If this is the case, be the love you want to see. Even if this individual has hurt your feelings in some way, if you believe your union is salvageable, be loving in your approach of the issue. This entails having a calm manner of speaking, being relaxed in your body, and exuding kindness with your words. Words do matter and can leave a lasting impression, either positive or negative. Therefore, be mindful here.

#4 Love Sandwich. The top slice: Start the conversation by stating how important your partner is to you. Let them know how much you love them, that you’re interested in harmony, and that you endeavor to make things better. Share where you can improve and contribute to the success of the relationship, too. The middle: State the issue you’re hoping to solve. Speak from your point-of-view and refrain from putting words in their mouth. Bottom slice: Reiterate the care you have for your mate and that you’re committed to creating a greater peace in the relationship.

#5 Listen more than you speak. Remember, your partner is the one that has been summoned for the chat, so give them the time they need to process what you’re saying. It’s a discussion not a monologue. So allow for an equal exchange of communication. Also, you may require more than one conversation in order to come to a resolution. Be patient for the love you want to maintain.

#6 If words get heated, do not engage. Pause to regain composure. Words get lost in anger. Therefore, take some cleansing breaths or shelve the moment, so that you can take a break and begin again another time, if needed. Love is patient.

Lastly, take care of yourself and each other. The ultimate goal is peace.

Cocoon and Create

Before butterflies become, they are in a “cocoon-like” state called chrysalis. During this phase, to the naked eye, it really doesn’t look like anything is happening. However, while in this state, the butterfly’s colors and wings are being created. Much is happening.

For we humans, we can feel like we’re cocooning at times as well. These are called times of contraction, which are different from periods of expansion with lots of activity and flow. Like summer and winter, our energy can do a dance between these two states, like yin and yang, movement and seeming stasis. This is good and necessary. It is not possible to be “on” all of the time, nor is it logical to assume that just because we are exuding much energy and effort in a specific direction that things will simply work out, in a snap. Sometimes we’re just in a period of contraction and pulling our energy inward.

This especially happens in winter, and now, during Covid. This contracting time is an ideal time to go within and become creative. Create, meditate and decide what is next for you. This is your time for abundant introspection. Turn your attention towards planting those seeds for what’s to come.

This can be a fruitful endeavor if you allow it to be. Ask yourself: What type of career do I want to create? What kind of partner would I like to attract? Do I need to make more time for fitness and a healthier lifestyle? Make it fun! Collaborate with friends, research, and dream it up!

When we release control, go within and allow the rhythm of life to be our co-creator for success, there is no limit to what we can manifest in our lives.

Soul's Calling

As we slide into this historic new year, many of us are ready for renewal and positive change.

These chilly winter months are a great time to reflect, plant those seeds of change, give them nourishment and allow them to bloom in their time. Go inward to discover your soul’s calling in this moment. What’s next for you?

“New growth. New hair. New body. New man…” a friend said to me yesterday. Well, there’s that.

But seriously, take a dive within and see where it leads you. Contemplate how you’ve evolved and adjusted over these past 12 months in order to decide how you’d like to move forward. Revised attention might be required for your physical, emotional and mental bodies based upon your experiences of the past year. This is so specific to each one of us, as unique individuals, do take your time through this process.

Are your relationships the ones you want?

Are health and fitness in a good place for you?

Are you as calm in the face of chaos as you once were?

Before answering these questions or ones like them, begin with meditation, mindfulness and stillness. Moving meditations are beneficial, too. If you’re kinesthetic, this form may be quite effective for you. Through this process of meditation and asking yourself pertinent questions, you can set goals that are much more fulfilling for your life’s journey, as opposed to the same ol’ new year’s resolutions which may not fuel you at this time.

As human beings, we are constantly recycling old thoughts and common themes in our heads. But, when we activate the deepest parts of ourselves through the inner quiet and space which meditation provides, we illumine the truth of our soul in the present moment which leads us to living a more authentic life that’s beneficial for all.