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The Secret Sauce

Passion: (noun) strong and barely controllable emotion, according to Oxford Languages.

We’re often told to follow our passion. Passion is that burning desire which fuels us to attain our dreams and goals. It is often looked at as a positive motivator.

However, sometimes that fuel of passion can cause a raging fire in our relationships when we feel we’re in the right concerning a certain topic.

I’ve experienced this before.

Years ago, I shared a story of alleged child sexual abuse committed by a celebrity with my friend at her home. My friend did not agree with my assessment. She, too, was passionate. That fire of passion which burned between us caused us to lose track of the fact that neither one of us actually knew the real story. Our passion could have burned down the house.

Passion can make a person say and do things that are beyond their peaceful nature. Usually this occurs when we’re outraged by a particular topic.

But let’s look at this more closely. The only reason we’re ever really outraged or offended by something that creates a burning passion within us is because of love.

Passionate about food? It’s because you love it.

Passionate about those that are disenfranchised? It’s because you have love for those that are disenfranchised.

Passionate about children that have suffered? It’s because you love and have compassion for innocent ones that have been hurt.

Love is what unites us.

Right now, many people are passionate about who is more right in a particular war. Who has suffered more in this war?

Everyone suffers in war. Period.

So this is my hero move around the dinner table this holiday and beyond. When the prickly conversation begins and you know which conversation it will be… use the secret sauce.

The Secret Sauce


  1. love

  2. a bridge for connection

  3. salt and pepper to taste

The foodie in me had to add that last one.

We can all acknowledge that there is suffering on both sides of war. That is the bridge for connection. We don’t need to compare struggles. What is the point of the passionate goings on that “my suffering is worse than your suffering”? Share your love for all concerned. And if anything, share how we can reduce suffering for all. This is the secret sauce.

Love is our first learning and everything stems from it, including pain. We can only feel pain because we have loved. If you can unite from this baseline concept that love is what unites us, you can actually get somewhere during that dinner table conversation. Otherwise, you’re simply adding fuel to an already raging fire of war.

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