Circling
- Daydree Horner
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Some butterflies - the Admirals, in particular - tend to circle back to the same location looking for a mate. They’ll return to the same piece of fruit or twig. Maybe 4 or 5 perches, but they keep coming back. Some humans do this in relationships, too. We check back just to see if we can date that same person again. Unfinished business, I guess? Whatever you want to call it, circling back doesn’t always work out. It certainly didn’t for me.
But, in a way… it did.
He was my first love. For the sake of this blog, we’ll call him, Tony. I met Tony in college. We were born on the same day of the same year. One might assume: This relationship is a slam dunk!
Well…
We met at a Halloween party and we talked all night. We were in sync, in alignment, if you will, on all things.
But, this was college. And, we were young, so, ya know…
We went on together like peas in a pod. We had a wonderful relationship all through his time at the university. I was smitten. But, unfortunately, after about a year, Tony had to transfer to another school - across the country! So upsetting.
I had different relationships. He had his, too. But somehow we kept returning to each other, circling back like an Admiral butterfly. I visited him. He visited me. And we continued like this for some time.
Eventually, after college, I moved to the state where he lived. We had the conversation. Should we make the leap to exclusivity? I was ready. We were finally in the same place at the same time. I mean… How many times were we supposed to circle back to each other?
Tony agreed that it was time. He had a business trip out of state, but when he returned - it was on!
I was thrilled. I even bought a picnic basket set for our dates out in nature. Yippee! I was ready! So many visions and plans were swirling around in my head, ready to land in his heart for approval.
And then he spoke.
“So I just want you to know that I met someone on my business trip. And, she’s important to me, so I’ll be bicoastal - with her and you…”
It was surreal. Like I was streaming a show where I was the star about to get the axe.
Oh, wait, this is real, I thought. I’m not in a show.
Tony met someone on his 5 day trip that made him rethink the 15 years we had known each other. He wanted to have relationships with both of us simultaneously, because apparently that would make sense. He laid out this information with zeal and grace, like you might lay out a fine tablecloth, predicating the Thanksgiving dinner: Welcome to my nonsense, won’t you enjoy? The turkey is amazing!
“Wow”, I said. “That must have been some life-changing [word I won’t use in polite company].”
You could’ve stuck a fork in me, I was done.
I finished, “If you ever see me walking down the street, turn the other way, because I will be doing the same.”
I’ll never forget what he said next. “You can’t mean this, we’re twins…”
We are not twinning! And I don’t care how many things we have in common. Monogamy is clearly not one of them.
Here's what I pieced together in the weeks that followed, and this is the part that changed everything.
Tony's father did not believe in monogamy. He had two lovers who knew about each other, and he liked it that way. That was a learning that he passed on to his son. That’s why Tony could share this information so casually, with such genuine bafflement at my reaction. It was learned behavior. It had become part of his value system.
I was just a little late to the party.
But instead of being angry or blaming, I got curious. I pieced together the other contributing factors. Why had I attracted this situation? What had I been bringing, unknowingly, to the table? And, how would I need to change in order to manifest something different?
I wrote it all down.
Then I had dinner with a few of my girlfriends and shared my discoveries. Every single one of them leaned in. One by one, around the table, they said the same thing:
"This is a program."
That dinner was my butterfly moment. I had completely emerged as a changed woman, a changed magnet…
Exactly 4 months later, I met my husband.
Now, when I look at him, and every time a Good Love client meets their person, I think the same thing:
Yeah. That turkey was worth it.
If you're circling back to the same situations, the same types, the same heartbreak, and wondering why, I made the Good Love Program for you.
It's 7 sessions, one-on-one, designed to help you understand exactly what you've been attracting, why, and how to become someone who effortlessly draws in the love that's actually meant for you.
Your butterfly is out there. Let's make sure you're ready when he lands.
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